


Cold Eyes, Warm Heart

by KittenWolf29



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: A relatively calm Sanzo, An overprotective Goku, M/M, the beginning of a relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-16
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-05-01 21:46:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5222141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittenWolf29/pseuds/KittenWolf29
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A look into an unforgiving Gojyo and Hakkai dealing with their issues, a confused and uncharacteristically pissed off Goku and a calm, relatively patient and understanding Sanzo.  A change in dynamic is sometimes necessary to move forward.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. An Unusual Calm

**Author's Note:**

> Uh, this will most likely be a two-shot  
>  I don't own Saiyuki.  
> I hope you guys like it.

Sanzo had been looking at Goku with his heart in his normally impenetrably, cold eyes more and more recently. It had been like that since he'd returned. Goku didn't know what that look was but every time he saw it he felt a deep, pulsing yearning feeling go through him. 

Goku knew that he loved Sanzo, he knew that he was even in love with Sanzo, but he'd accepted sometime before he'd even known what he was feeling that the likeliness of Sanzo returning his feelings were low. However, that was before he'd left them because he freaked out about Goku being so badly injured and had needed time to puzzle through what he was feeling and the deep, seated need to get revenge on the one who had nearly cost him his saru.

Or, at least that's what Goku had figured out when Sanzo had explained in his normal brutally honest, yet somewhat vague way about why he'd left them. Goku had accepted this and moved on. He was the only one. Gojyo was still making snide remarks about cowardly monks while Hakkai was acting somewhat cool towards Sanzo. Sanzo dealt with this disrespectful behavior with a poise the others had not expected from the normally fiery monk. 

Indeed, they were all stunned that Sanzo wasn't remarking back on Gojyo's own departure from the group, while subtly warning Hakkai not to be too sanctimonious. Instead, he was ignoring Gojyo's taunting words and acting indifferent towards Hakkai's discreetly ungracious actions.

However, Goku had had enough of them treating Sanzo like an unwelcome intruder. It angered him like very few things could. Nobody disrespected Sanzo, especially for making a mistake just like everyone else in the world did. Hakkai and Gojyo were being stupid as far as Goku was concerned, acting like Sanzo had done something horrible when really he'd just been reacting to his tumultuous feelings at the time. Yeah, how he'd went about his fear of losing Goku had been the wrong decision, but he'd been scared and lost, not deliberately cruel by leaving Goku to go after the one who'd attacked him. Goku understood this, but wondered why the other two didn't.

Deciding to ask Sanzo before he confronted his teammates, he quietly walked to Sanzo's room. They'd been in this small village for the past few hours and had split up after getting their own rooms for the night. Hakkai and Gojyo were currently running the supply run, while he and Sanzo were staying at the inn. The two had invited Goku, but he'd refused because he didn't want to listen to Gojyo bitching about privileged, holier-than-thou monks and Hakkai said nothing about Gojyo's insulting words.

Just walking straight into Sanzo's room, Goku closed the door and sat on the bed as he watched Sanzo sitting on a chair next to the windowsill, reading a newspaper. He knew that Sanzo would react to him when he wanted to, not when Goku wanted him to.

“What is is, saru?” Sanzo's deep, slightly husky voice asked, impatiently.

Resisting the urge to beam at Sanzo for no reason, which was typical because Sanzo could usually make Goku smile with very little effort, Goku instead said as seriously as he could in order to show Sanzo he meant to talk to him earnestly.

“Sanzo, I need ta talk to you about somethin' that been bugging me.” 

Hearing the sincerity in Goku's voice, Sanzo slowly put down his paper and took off his glasses, giving Goku his full attention.

“What is it, Goku?” He wanted to know, solemnly.

Having Sanzo's full attention on him always made Goku feel intensely excited but it also made him feel nervous too. He could feel his heart beating loudly as his throat suddenly went dry and his palms sweated. It was always like this when those intense violet eyes were turned his way seriously.

Taking a moment to catch his breath, Goku steadied himself with the mantra of 'it's just Sanzo' over and over again. Though, honestly that didn't really help since he was reacting this way because it was Sanzo.

“Uh, y-yeah. It's… It's 'bout Gojyo an' Hakkai. I don't like how they been treatin' ya and I don't know why they can't just 'cept you make mistakes too.” He explained, too gravely for such a normally energetic person.

Face utterly impassive, Goku couldn't read anything Sanzo was thinking. Fighting the urge to fidget as those cool violet eyes seemed to pierce him, Goku forced himself to wait for Sanzo's answer to his implied question.

“They can accept I make mistakes as does anyone else, however what has them guarded is their own issues. Gojyo has abandonment issues and Hakkai dislikes that I left for so long.” Sanzo explained offhandedly.

“Isn't that the same thing?” Goku asked, confused.

Relaxing into his chair, though whether he was truly relaxed was doubtful since Goku could practically feel the tension rolling off of Sanzo in waves, Sanzo further explained.

“No, Hakkai fears losing another person he cares for and I was gone for far too long, but he is also reacting to Gojyo's obvious issues concerning abandonment. He might also believe you are forcing yourself to act regularly and instead are deeply hurt by my leaving but refuses to show it in case I leave again. I know Hakkai understands why I left in the first place, but I believe I was only supposed to be gone for a few days at most, not weeks. It didn't help that we met up with that bastard, Ukoku.”

Goku nodded, he thinks he understands what Sanzo's talking about. Hakkai was scared of losing Sanzo and being his mother-henning, overprotective self, while Gojyo didn't like that Sanzo had left them where they couldn't protect him. But while Goku got that, what he couldn't make sense of was why they were treating Sanzo like crap when they just cared for him.

Almost as if he knew what Goku was thinking, which was possible through the strange but deep bond they shared, Sanzo answered Goku's question before he could ask.

“They feel like I betrayed all of you by leaving for so long and than getting my ass handed to me by Ukoku when you found me again.”

Now Goku really didn't understand. In what way had Sanzo betrayed them? As far as he could see, Sanzo had just freaked out to the thought of losing him, not that Goku meant to dismiss Sanzo's emotional pain, but that was what it was. An overreaction for someone not used to allowing his feelings to either get in the way or to hamper him.

“How's it your fault that evil guy beatin' ya up so bad? Well, I s'pose ya coulda beaten him up instead, but he was way strong. Do ya think you could fight him and win, Sanzo?” Goku asked, honestly curious to know if Sanzo believed he could defeat the dark sanzo.

Sanzo went quiet and thoughtful which meant he was giving Goku's questions serious consideration. A long minute passed as Sanzo pensively pondered his possible answers. Finally;

“When I next see that bastard, I'll kill him and rip his sutra from his dead body. He doesn't deserve to be a sanzo. As for that idiotic kappa and that manipulative fake, they hold grudges it's as simple as that. It's not always realistic, but they're angry for my leaving and than getting my ass kicked by that filthy crow. It's not entirely rational, but those are the reasons.” Sanzo baldly put out there.

Goku was torn. On the one hand he was relieved to hear and feel the conviction in Sanzo when he said he'll defeat the dark sanzo priest, but he was upset about Hakkai and Gojyo acting so stupid for those reasons. He could understand… to a certain point. He didn't really hold grudges unless someone really hurt those he cared about, but he could see why they had a difficult time forgiving Sanzo for nearly dying, which would have happened if they hadn't shown up, but he couldn't understand why they were allowing their issues to mess up an already chaotic partnership. It was lucky that Sanzo seemed to read them so well and was patient with their inner problems, otherwise there was not a doubt in Goku's mind, the golden-haired monk would've blown up on them by now.

“So… what do we do 'bout them then? We can't just let 'em keep bein' jerks to ya.” Goku wondered, not knowing whether to confront them like he planned or just continue to hope that they'd get over it… preferably soon before he went off on them.

Looking faintly amused for some reason that Goku didn't understand, Sanzo replied.

“I will leave them alone to deal with their issues unless they come to bother me about them. You do whatever you want to do, saru. They'll have to get over their issues sooner or later.” 

Goku seriously doubted it as it had been almost three weeks since they've reunited and Hakkai and Gojyo had yet to get over Sanzo's leaving. But he didn't mention this out-loud because Sanzo had pointedly told him that he should be the one to decide whether to get on Hakkai's and Gojyo's about how they were treating Sanzo or not. And he'd already made his decision before he came here.

Gojyo and Hakkai had better watch out, they were about to be paid a visit by an overprotective, upset and pissed off monkey in defense of his Sun.

Sanzo clearly read this in Goku's expressive golden orbs, but had no plan to mention the warmth that shot through him at the defensive attitude of his saru.

Without a single word passing either lips again, the two dropped the serious conversation and just sat quietly beside each other while Sanzo picked up his paper and glasses. Goku was openly relishing in Sanzo's presence, while Sanzo was more surreptitiously taking pleasure in Goku's. When Hakkai and Gojyo came back, they were in for a fierce storm, but for now it was calm and peaceful.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Saiyuki.  
> Sorry, it's been a few days... the internet got turned off for a bit.  
> I hope ya like it.

Chapter Two

 

Sanzo intently watched from behind his newspaper as Hakkai and Gojyo obliviously walked into his room, completely unaware that a certain saru was about to tear them a new one. It had been long overdue as far as he was concerned.

While he'd at first understood and even accepted the reasons why both were acting the way they were towards him, Sanzo had had enough and was finally at the end of his normally limited patience. He had given them nearly three weeks to get over their shit, but they were holding onto it as if it were priceless. It was clear that he had given them too much time to wallow in their crap. 

He had decided on giving them a tongue-lashing vicious enough that they wouldn't soon forget about it. He'd also had every intent on explaining why holding onto useless grudges because of both their own shit and his past mistakes, mistakes that had already happened and were over and done with, was the mark of their utter stupidity. He'd also planned on telling them to just move on already and grow the fuck up. 

However, that was before Goku had come to visit him with his questions, making it clear to him that the saru was tired of their shit as well. So, he'd come to Sanzo in order to ask his questions, confirm his own theories and silently ask that he be the one to set them straight… even if he had to get loud doing so.

Seeing the saru's miffed expression at the sight of their two unreasonable companions was intensely gratifying. It was even more satisfying when Goku stalked right up to them, grab the groceries out of their hands and plonk them down on the bed without his usual cheerfulness aimed at them and the food they brought. All the while they watched with openly stunned expressions, almost as if they couldn't believe that Goku was being so aggressive and for no reason they could see.

“I've been meanin' ta talk the both of ya for awhile. Here's as good as anywhere, 's long as ya don't mind, do ya Sanzo?” Goku asked as he turned to look at Sanzo with an obvious questioning look over his expressive features aimed at Sanzo. 

Lowering his paper just slightly enough for Goku to see his eyes, Sanzo just looked at the saru, knowing he would read the answer in his eyes. With a quick, happy beam of a smile in understanding directed towards his Sun, Goku turned back to the still shocked duo standing in the doorway with a noticed lack of smile. Actually he was scowling… well, Sanzo considered it more of a pout than a scowl due to Goku being so adorable, but that was Goku's 'scowling' face. 

Because they were just standing barely inside of the doorway, Goku decided to pull his two friends into Sanzo's room, though he couldn't resist heaving an irritated sigh as he did so.

“Hey, what do ya think you're doin', ya stupid saru?!” Gojyo finally squawked out, pulling out of Goku's grasp, though he was already in the room and the door was closed.

“Are you feeling alright, Goku?” Hakkai asked, concerned, while also gently removing himself from Goku's hold as well.

Exasperated by his friends' oblivious attitude, Goku huffed and pointed to the bed and commanded. 

“Ya guys gotta sit down. Now.”

Tilting a questioning eyebrow, Hakkai nevertheless shifted the supplies around on Sanzo's bed and sat down. Gojyo, however, was less willing to take orders from Goku.

“There's no way I'mma sit down 'til you tell me what the fuck is goin' on.” He demanded to know.

With an angry glare, Goku stalked toward his crimson-haired friend and pushed him hard onto the bed. Indignant, Gojyo was about to spring up and beat the ever-livin' shit out the monkey, when Hakkai's gentle but firm hand settled down on his arm, silently warning him to just sit still for the moment while Goku explained himself. So, with a few muttered curses, Gojyo settled down and waited for the monkey to speak.

After a watchful moment in which Goku silently made sure that the two youkais wouldn't decide to get up, he started pacing and mumbling underneath his breath.

Concerned by this uncharacteristically irritable behavior by the normally cheerful, energetic earth youkai, Hakkai shot a questioning look in Sanzo's direction, but was intercepted by the newspaper. Well, really, Sanzo just ignored him… and Hakkai knew this because it was a well known fact that Sanzo was always aware of what was going on around him.

“Okay, I'm ready.” Goku announced without warning, as he turned to face the two sort-of youkai on the bed. His face completely serious and entirely pissed off.

Startled by this expression that they had rarely ever seen on the cheerful teenager's face and never directed towards them, Hakkai and Gojyo stayed completely silent, not daring to say a word.

“I think it's time ya stop bein' so mean to Sanzo. I don't care if ya think ya got good reasons, but I won't just be quiet 'bout anymore. Now, here an' now, we're all gonna get everything that needs talkin' 'bout out in the open.” Goku stated, sounding completely serious.

Sanzo had to raise his newspaper a little to hide the small, pleased smirk that appeared on his face at Goku's words. He was proud of his saru for knowing what needed to be done in order for everyone to move forward without even more of their issues than were already there getting in the way.

Hakkai and Gojyo took a moment to absorb this, but than Gojyo immediately jumped to his feet, agitation clear on his face.

“Did that prissy monk put ya up to this, shrimp?” He asked, his tone of voice already making it clear that he blamed Sanzo regardless of Goku's answer.

Understanding that Gojyo was going to blame Sanzo no matter what he said, Goku nevertheless stomped right up to the red roach's face and said, angrily.

“No, Sanzo doesn't need ta tell me that ya are bein' dumb-asses, it's obvious. Don't go blamin' Sanzo just 'cuz ya wanna. I decided myself that I was done wit' ya shit. Me an' Sanzo don't hafta always listen to ya bitch 'bout somethin' that's over with. He's back now, and that's what's important.” 

Hakkai spoke up before Gojyo could go off.

“Yes, it is important that Sanzo is here with us now. However, Goku, he should never have left us for so long. Surely, you can understand why we are finding it so hard to forgive him, Goku?” Hakkai wanted to know, sounding completely reasonable and courteous.

Ignoring everything that was being said about him, as he already knew how Hakkai and Gojyo felt about him and why, Sanzo instead paid attention only to what Goku was saying. He almost winced when Hakkai spoke up because he knew that Goku would have a difficult time getting around the eloquent wolf in sheep's clothing. Hakkai knew well how to get people to listen to him.

Steadfastly, Goku shook his head in defiance to what Hakkai had said and returned, passionately. 

“Ya are just holdin' onto your bad feelin's cuz ya was really worried 'bout Sanzo bein' all alone for so long. It's also cuz ya think he abandoned us, an' he didn't.”

Bitter laughter came from Gojyo's mouth as he angrily said. 

“Yeah, right. Just keep tellin' yourself that, monkey. The only reason O' holy one over there returned was because we weren't goin' to let him leave a second time. And he doesn't wanna walk all the way to India. He's a selfish bastard that will leave whenever it suits him too.”

Sanzo grasped the newspaper hard, trying to breath evenly so that he could control the temper that wanted to erupt on that stupid roach's head. Thankfully, Goku spoke up, quickly. Sounding pissed.

“That's not true, an' ya know it! It's ya own issues that's makin' ya think that, not Sanzo.” 

Both Gojyo and Hakkai stiffened up at this rejoinder. 

“Goku.” He warned, coldly.

Goku paled slightly and hesitated. Sanzo, seeing this, wondered if it was time for him to intervene. After all, Goku wasn't used to facing off against this side of Hakkai, or really either of the two.

Putting his newspaper on the table, Sanzo quietly cleared his throat to catch Goku's attention. When golden eyes turned his way, Sanzo silently asked if he wanted him to step in. A moment of consideration before a determined, resolute look appeared on Goku's face, answering Sanzo's question before Goku quickly shook his head no.

Looking over at Hakkai, Sanzo met green eyes with a warning look of his own. He wouldn't allow Hakkai or Gojyo to intimidate his saru.

“I'm not gonna stop cuz this needs ta be said. The only reason ya guys are still actin' so hung up on Sanzo leavin' is cuz Gojyo has abandonment issues an' Hakkai is scared 'bout people he cares 'bout dying on him.” Goku went on, bravely.

Gojyo stilled for half a heartbeat before he jumped up to leave. Seeing this, Goku leaps to stand in front of him, blocking the door.

“Move, now.” Gojyo said through gritted teeth, his temper obviously hanging by a very thin thread.

Shaking his head no, Goku braced himself for whatever was about to happen. Sanzo was also prepared to move if that kappa tried to take a swing at Goku. Now, normally Sanzo wouldn't concern himself with Goku's and Gojyo's scuffles, but the kappa was obviously very ticked off and Goku was just trying to help all of them.

Hakkai interceded before anything could happen. Gently grabbing Gojyo's waist, Hakkai leaned to whisper soothing words in his lover's ear. 

Knowing it was best if Goku backed off for the moment, Sanzo indicated for Goku to move next to him. Following Sanzo's directive, Goku took the chair next to the golden-haired monk.

A few minutes passed in silence while Goku and Sanzo quietly watched Hakkai calm down Gojyo. Finally, the two lovers' made their way to the bed and turned to face their friends.

“I think it best, Goku, Sanzo, if you would say your piece and than allow us to leave in order to think if over.” Hakkai placidly told them, bringing Sanzo into the conversation.

“I have nothing that needs to be said that the saru isn't capable of telling you.” Sanzo stated, honestly. Giving up any intent of speaking.

Giving Sanzo a wide, pleased beam, Goku went one. Not allowing himself any more time to think over what to say, instead just going with his heart.

“For awhile now, I didn't really understand why ya an' Gojyo have been holdin' onto bein' mad at Sanzo. He's back an' safe an' that's all I care 'bout. I was gonna yell at ya anyways, but I decided ta come talk ta Sanzo first. He made me understand that some o' what ya both been holdin' onto is ya own problems, an' I can' fix that, only ya can. But he also said that ya think he betrayed ya. Cuz he left for so long. I've known Sanzo the longest an' even I can get confused by him. He's real complicated. But I think what I gotta convince ya is that he ain't gonna leave again. An' not cuz he don't wanna walk to India, and not cuz it has to be that way, but 'cuz he wanna be wit' us.” 

No one dared to say a word while Goku took a moment to breathe and let it out before he began again.

“We all know what Sanzo's like. He gets made easy an' he says he don't need help or us to protect 'im an' he's really stubborn an' he likes ta say he don't need us. But at the end of the day, he's willin' ta help us in one way or 'nother. An' he's always there if we really need him. He's not always kind like Hakkai is an' he's not very patient like Gojyo can be, but he has his way of doin' things an' we know that we can count on him. Now, his leavin' mighta confused ya 'bout whether he'll be there for ya, but all ya gotta do is 'member he's Sanzo an' ain't nothin' can make him do anything 'less he wants ta. That means he's here cuz he wants ta be. He don't make things easy on us, but he sure don't make things easy on himself, either. Just think, an' you’ll realize why he's wit' us now.” Goku finished.

Another silent moment passed before Hakkai and Gojyo just rose from the bed and, with a nod and thoughtful expressions, left Sanzo's room.

As soon as the door completely shut, Goku crossed his arms and placed them and his head on the table, panting a little. 

“Oh, man. That was really intense.” He said, a little shakily.

Silently observing Goku, Sanzo thought over everything Goku had talked about. He was conflicted on what Goku said about him. On the one hand, all of it had been true, on the other, some of the things Goku had said made him feel very vulnerable and he did not like that feeling. 

Still, Sanzo knew that Goku was just trying to get Hakkai and Gojyo to understand that he wasn't going to leave them again. That decided it for him, he wasn't going to berate the saru.

Placing his hand into Goku's hair, Sanzo started gently threading his fingers through the spiky but soft hair. Goku relaxed further, tension leaving his small but powerful frame at Sanzo's soothing, gentle ministrations.

Staring down at Goku's relaxed form, Sanzo let a minuscule, genuine smile form across his lips. Goku had pleased him with his rough eloquence and steadfast determination to be heard. The saru had grown up so much on this mission, and Sanzo had finally wholeheartedly accepted this.

Stopping his stroking fingers, Sanzo gently removed his hand from Goku's hair and instead tilted the saru's face up. Slowly leaning downward, slow enough for Goku to understand what he was doing and stop him if he wished, Sanzo gently pressed his lips against his ward's.

A sharp inhalation in surprise, Goku nevertheless quickly relaxed and enthusiastically kissed back. As first kisses went, it wasn't especially spectacular since neither of them really knew what they were doing, but it was real, sincere and what both had been waiting for, for a long, long time.

Moving slightly away, both Sanzo and Goku gazed at each other with warm, loving eyes. Almost as if they couldn't believe they'd done that. Than, when the shock faded, a luminescent smile crawled across Goku's face. And a small smile spread over Sanzo's.

“Don't you dare tell either of those idiots, saru, or I'll stop.” Sanzo threatened, all the while knowing that he wouldn't stop… not ever.

With a hurried, eager nod, Goku agreed. He'd agree to anything Sanzo wanted as long as he kept kissing him. Another quick, tender kiss and than Sanzo picked up his glasses and newspaper again and started reading, acting as if nothing had changed.

Placing his head on his arms again, Goku couldn't stop smiling. He knew that everything would work out. He knew that Hakkai and Gojyo would come around and things would go back to how they'd always been.

'Well, maybe not 'zactly as they always been.' Goku thought to himself with a small, joyful, and private smile directed at his Sun. Whose violet eyes briefly glowed behind the newspaper.

 

End.


End file.
